5 things no one ever tells you about having a baby! (not for the weak stomach)

sleeping baby
I’ve had 3 babies with very different personalities but, there are certain things that many women encounter in the whole experience that are similar.  There are some things that women just never tell you about having a baby.  I had many friends who had babies but, I don’t know if it’s part of this whole “make my life look easier and better than it actually is” syndrome that many women carry, that keeps them from being honest with someone else about their experience.  If I would have known some of these things I could have erased some tears and stressful days & nights and replaced them with more joy!

Having a baby

So, here are 5 things that no one ever tells you about having a baby:

1.  The pain is not over after birth. 

We all know that birth is insane and painful and above what most of us could have ever imagined but, there is this expectation that once the baby is out that the pain will be over and the worst is behind you.  Well, with all 3 of my kids (1 natural and 2 with an epidural) that was not the case.  The amount of pain you experience after the meds wear off is pretty bad and will last for days, sometimes weeks.  Also, that is accompanied by really bad menstrual cramps from your uterus going back down to size.  It takes a few days to be able to walk around normally without pain depending how many other methods were used to help you have the baby.

Also, whether you decide to breastfeed or not your milk will come in within a few days which is also painful and literally feels like massive rocks on your chest.  The milk supply does level out but, when your milk comes in it’s called engorgement and, it requires pain meds and ice packs to just get through it.  The good thing is this only lasts a few days and then you will feel normal just with a few extra cup sizes haha!

If you have an epidural you can’t go to the bathroom during labor, which means you have a catheter and, that leaves you with a chance of a bad urinary track infection (which happened with one of my kids) that needs serious medications to help reduce the pain.  This can be a bit much with everything else your body is experiencing, including the continous period you will have for a few weeks.

2.  Breastfeeding is way harder, more painful and more rewarding then you can imagine

So, I breastfed all of my children and, with each child I had to go back to the hospital for the breastfeeding consultants to help me through it.  The last child we even paid to have a breastfeeding consultant come to my house for a month and help me with the process.  I was able to breastfed each kid for a year but, they all had a rocky start.  I watched all the YouTube videos and read all the articles on “how to get your baby to latch”, “breastfeeding positions”and “how to increase my milk supply but, that would of helped me a lot if I would of done that BEFORE I had the baby not while I was overwhelmed and in tears.

The fact is that breastfeeding is painful at first but, shouldn’t be for long.  I am really in awe of all the things that have to be “right” for babies to get the milk out correctly and, not have pain.  I had some friends whose babies came out and miraculously latched correctly.  None of mine were that story.  I can say that it was worth the investment and getting the help because, overall it saved tons of money and, was an amazing benefit to their health and mine for the long run but, so many times I cried and prayed and cried and wanted to give up.  Once I was at that point, God always came through and something would click and they would get it and, we were smooth sailing from then on out!

Was it worth the pain? YES!! I truly believe it is one of the most rewarding and amazing bonding experiences you can ever have.  The love and connection that grows from this experience between you and your baby can only be described as a gift from God and, I’m grateful He gave me the chance to be able to do that.  I do think that can still happen with bottle feeding as well.  I realize everyone doesn’t have this opportunity and, the few times that I bottle fed my kids, I definitely felt a strong bond as well!

3.  You must make time for other relationships.

You must get out and away with friends and your husband.  It is so easy to get swamped with the incredible life change of having a new baby.  There is so much to focus on: sleep schedules, soothing, feeding and changing diapers.  If you have other kids it’s a WHOLE other ball park of making sure they aren’t feeling neglected and are still getting what they need in every way. Also, making sure you invest in your husband and keeping your marriage a priority can be challenging.  It’s SOOO easy to stay in that bubble of all that needs balanced but, I promise…

You WILL get burnt out very quickly, you will be frustrated, overwhelmed and resentful if you don’t get this time.  I have seen it in soooo many moms.  They aren’t even able to see the joys in having a baby, being married or even having other children because, ALL they focus on is the new balance and, if that includes working it can be even more challenging to get away.

Friendships are so crucial and refreshing at this time in life.  Whether it’s someone who has been there to encourage you of how quickly it passes (because it does) or that is right there in the trenches with you.  You HAVE to get away without kids to talk with a friend over coffee or dinner.  You HAVE to go out with your husband alone and, talk and connect free of the responsibilities a new baby requires.  When you do these things, you will be AMAZED at how refreshed, how joyful and grateful you feel when you walk back into the house.  I can be gone for an hour and I have an excitement to get home, I feel refreshed from talking with friends or my husband and, I’m ready to see things as the blessing that they are, and not a load of stress!

4.  You can function on way less sleep than you thought was possible.    

      having a baby

I remember when I became a parent the first time, I was waking up every 2 hours at night, which is technically normal but some mom’s are blessed with great sleeping babies, it’s just rare.  Most don’t know the difference between day and night and my 3 all fell into that boat. So, in the newborn months I felt that I was awake more than I was sleeping at night and, that took a toll on my body until….

I stopped the feeling of guilt for napping.  I decided to sleep whenever the baby was sleeping which was mainly during the day so I adjusting my sleep schedule too.  Yes, dishes could be done… yes, laundry was overflowing and yes.. my house may have looked like World War 3 but, I was a much happier, pleasant and present mom and wife when I napped as much as possible during the day.

5.  This season is so short and you WILL wish you cherished it more. 

Why does every older person say that “Time goes so fast, enjoy it..you will miss it” because .. IT’S TRUE!

Now having older children when I went back into the baby scene, I totally get it!  It was such a “blink” of time that they were infants even though when I was in it, it seemed like it lasted forever because, I was awake for almost all of the 24 hours in the day! haha

Believe me when I say, I miss those ones little and cuddly and, I cherish every moment with my two-year old because, when I look at my 10-year-old I realize how fast that time went, and how some days I wish I could have it back but, in many ways I just was surviving through not sleeping, and different issues with breastfeeding, and balancing all the balls that I didn’t appreciate it like I should so, don’t make that mistake because,  you will BLINK and it will be gone.

Don’t get me wrong. These are the things I wish someone would have told me and some may seem hard and overwhelming but, there is one truth that rings among ALL moms…

Having a baby is the most amazing miracle you can experience and the most amazing expression of God’s love! My heart could burst out of my chest when I think about all of the laughter, the fun, the love that I’ve experienced from having these children! Everything in life is more fun, and better when looking at it through your children’s eyes.  So cherish these moments and the baby your going to have or have had as one of the biggest blessings you will ever experience on this earth!

having a baby

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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48 Comments:
May 31, 2016

I love telling the truth about having babies. I find I need to tell 1st time mothers, “it’s ok if you don’t love having a baby right away.” …And nursing was sooooo painful for me. Thank you for sharing the truth with the world.

May 31, 2016

Aww yes! I agree! Thanks so much for the encouragement!It’s so bittersweet…hard and beautiful all at the same time!

June 1, 2016

As a woman with infertility, I am glad that you shared this! Everyone makes “having a baby” look so wonderful and happy. But you were truthful and show me what I can expect. Even though some women are blessed with an amazing birth story, the majority of women have a difficult time. Thanks!

June 1, 2016

Thank you for sharing! I’m so glad this post was a blessing to you! Blessings to you on your journey to having a little one!! Stay encouraged mama!

August 19, 2016

So very true…it’s not all rosy like some try to make it sound 🙂 But it’s worth it!

August 19, 2016

Soo true!

August 19, 2016

Amen! You don’t realize how short the season is until it’s over. I feel like my little one should still be a newborn, but she’s almost 2 now.

Cheers to savoring these sweet moments!

August 19, 2016

I know when you are in it it feels like the days are so long but, yes very true!

August 19, 2016

Getting up after ny csection was hard. I could barely move and had to feed the baby. That was terrible the first week! Breastfeeding was way more painful than expected. There many nights of tears! I’m crying… Baby is crying! Its worth it though!

August 19, 2016

Aww man yes that is an incredible challenge but, yes in the end worth it!

August 19, 2016

These are all so true! Especially the breast feeding- And you always block the not fun stuff out of your mind so you are equally surprised the second time you have a baby. ha.

August 19, 2016

LOL so true!

August 19, 2016

Thank you for number 4. I don’t have children yet, and I always worry about the lack of sleep because I feel like I don’t do well when I miss out on my sleep!

August 19, 2016

You will! It’s amazing how your body adjusts to your circumstances!

August 19, 2016

Love this! #1 is so true. After three hours of intense pushing, I was so swollen that I couldn’t use the bathroom on my own, which meant another catheter that night, and another round of tears from me. I was so happy (a few weeks later) when I could comfortably and normally sit on a chair again!

August 19, 2016

LOL yes it’s crazy but, amazing!

August 19, 2016

Lol!!! Very true, especially the dang boulders that you have on your chest…aka breasts. I used to put bags of frozen vegetables in my bra to help me.
The joy!!!!

August 19, 2016

LOL!! i did the same!

August 19, 2016

These are all WAY TOO TRUE. Motherhood is a series of bittersweet moments <3

August 19, 2016

YES it is mama!

August 19, 2016

You are so absolutely right that the season is TOO short! I had my son last June and it’s amazing to think that I was in so much pain last year after an emergency c-section and I couldn’t half walk for two weeks after having him. I was in so much pain that the first week or so it was difficult for me to hold him. I cried for days and promised that when I felt better I would hold him as much as I could. Now at 14 months I have him spoiled rotten and he would much rather be in my arms than doing anything else (lol), but I wouldn’t trade it for anything:)

August 19, 2016

AWW wow! Yes, no matter what we go through it is sooo worth it! Such an amazing experience!

August 19, 2016

It’s been awhile since we’ve had babies, but I remember after having our last the doctor said I didn’t have to stay at the hospital. I said I was staying the entire time and to take the baby to the nursery. It was my 3rd and I knew the drill. This would be the only real sleep for awhile.

August 19, 2016

LOL! YES exactly

So true, especially about the sleeping. It was amazing I could function with almost no sleep for months!

August 19, 2016

LOL yes our bodies are amazing!

August 19, 2016

Yes, Yes, YES!!! I can’t believe I will be doing all this over again very soon!

August 19, 2016

AWW it is such a beautiful experience even though challenging it is so worth it!

August 19, 2016

Can’t wait to experience these things as a mother! Glad you are telling the real about motherhood!

August 19, 2016

AWW it is challenging but beautiful!

August 19, 2016

Good to hear some honest truth about the process! Your baby pictures are precious

August 19, 2016

Aww thanks! It was a joy to share!

August 19, 2016

Adorable babies! Loved this post. I always have to remind myself that one day I will wish I cherished these days more!

August 19, 2016

Thank you! YES!

So true! The immediate postpartum period is so tough, but it’s rarely spoken about. I love your transparency.

August 19, 2016

Thank you so much! It is challenging for sure!

August 21, 2016

Ugh yes the pain! My place down under literally hurt for months! When I talked to my OB about it she said that I could go to therapy. I’m still trying to figure out what therapy for that would have consisted of lol I personally had very little problems with breastfeeding. I never have cracked or sore nipples and her latching didn’t hurt. I did it for 2 years and the only bad thing I experienced was a breast infection which is probably the worse thing you could actually go through lol Fortunately it only happened once!

August 22, 2016

Ugh you are a trooper for sure! I had an infection with one of mine too and sooooo painful!!! It’s amazing the things we go through for these little blessings!

August 21, 2016

Your kids are just adorable. Those smiles are melting my heart. Thank you for sharing, I’m sure a lot of women feel the same way.

August 22, 2016

Aww thanks so much! I appreciate that!

August 23, 2016

I didn’t find breast feeding to be painful, hard? Yes!

I wish people told me how my friendships would change.

August 23, 2016

LOL yes a lot of people don’t have pain too so you are a lucky one!

August 24, 2016

Thanks for the raw truth about after birth…some people really do make it look easy breezy. No kids yet but I already know women go through so much just to bring and raise children into this world. Men really need to give us more credit I believe we should demand it. I hope I have a supportive husband who is with me the whole way while I go through some of these situations in the future..

August 24, 2016

Aww I’m sure you will! We are amazingly made to do some fantastic things!

August 25, 2016

It’s possible the reason we don’t share the ugly side of pregnancy and parenting is because we internalized the perception that mothers are supposed to be perfect. We fell for the set up: June Clever on the front of Parenting Magazine with houses from Home and Garden. And if we don’t achieve that we are made to feel like we have failed. The pressure is unrealistic and ridiculous. Thankfully, the ideas begin the fade and enjoying your best life now starts to become normal!

August 25, 2016

Yes, you are so correct. I believe there is just as much bad as good… it’s all worth it in the end and, kids are such a blessing but, there are definitely some big challenges that come with it.

June 9, 2017

Just discovered your blog. Beautiful family, and you wrote exceptionally well. I will be back! ❤️

June 10, 2017

Thanks so much!!

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