How I’m letting go of perfection

letting-go-of-perfection
I just had a birthday last week and there is one new resolution I made for myself and that is to let go of perfection.  I’ve gotten so fed up with myself and, how I’ve been living to be a “perfect” wife, a “perfect” mom, and  a “perfect” friend.  Every day I fail at being “perfect” so every day ends with a feeling of disappointment because, I failed in one of those categories.

I’m sick of feeling like this.  I know I put ridiculous standards of perfection on myself and, I know I’m not glorifying God in any of it and, I know many of you can relate.   So, I’ve started to let go of perfection for the first time in my life.  Most importantly, I’m depending on God more than ever because, I’m seeing the connection of seeking perfection and pride and, I’ve realized that I need a Savior EVERY DAY who gives me grace for all of my imperfections.  So, here are some ways that I’m letting go.

The Perfect Wife

I realize that every woman has created in their mind who the perfect wife is and, we try to live up to these standards that most times aren’t human: to encourage your husband daily, to always have a smile on your face, to have dinner ready every night, to have a perfectly clean house, to pray for him continuously, to always look pretty and stay in shape and whatever other ridiculous standards that may be on your list.  As you have read, mine are a bit much. LOL.

The problem is that I am human and, I get attitudes and offended and I get tired and exhausted and sometimes I want to live in yoga pants with no makeup and not feel guilty about eating 3 slices of cake after dinner.  I cannot do it all.  I’ve realized more than ever that it is not possible to complete all a “perfect wife” would do in 24 hours and, even if I did I would be pretty unhappy.

So this year I’m letting go of these standards.  I will pick and choose from my “to-do list” but, focus on what matters most.  I  will Be present when my husband comes home and happy to see him, rather than so physically exhausted from running like a wild woman that I can barely stand up by the time he gets home from work.  I’m going to let things go so that I am more balanced physically and mentally.  I am going to rely on God for my imperfections and, let go of the pride of trying to do it all.  I am going to pray every morning for guidance on how to be the wife God wants me to be and to show me what to say yes to for that day.

The Perfect Mom

Oh mamas….it’s so easy for us to judge each other rather than encourage each other and one thing I realize is that EVERY mom needs encouragement.  Even if you don’t agree with their parenting choices, encourage them that they are doing something right because, we are truly our worst critics which I’m learning is a good and a bad thing.

This year I’m deciding to give myself more GRACE.  I’m letting go of my list of the perfect mom: the one that does devotions daily with her kids, teaches them to do a million chores, plays with each one individually every day, cooks their favorite meals, keeps the house clean but, allows them to play and have fun as kids(the 2 just don’t work together), advancing them educationally, makes sure they eat fruits & vegetables every day, makes sure every fight with their siblings ends up in a “teaching moment”, never gets angry or irritated, disciplines consistently rather than being too lazy to give another spanking or put another child in time out…and the list goes on…RIDICULOUS!

So, this year I’m not doing it all…because, guess what ?! I never do it all anyways.  It’s not possible because, I’m human and they are human.  But I can choose my priorities and right now that is showing them Jesus as much as possible in the years I have them with me..everything else is secondary.  There is a mess every day to clean up and that will no longer take priority over quality time with my children and the important training God has called me to do with them full-time.  He didn’t call me to make sure that if at any point someone stops by my house, it will be perfect.  Again. Ridiculous.  So, I’m picking things off “the list” that are most important and giving God my insecurities and these standards and asking Him to guide me daily.

The Perfect Friend

This is definitely a season of change for me where God has really given me wisdom (that I’ve been praying for) about what friendships to pursue and which ones to let go of, etc.  For the first time in my life I have all mutually beneficial (not one-sided) friendships and, it’s so refreshing and good for my soul.  I am an extrovert and making friends has never been a hard thing for me but, I also have tried to be “too much” for “too many” people rather than choosing a few friendships I truly want to go deeper with and walk through life with.

I do have a few of those that I’ve had for years and years but, I am being intentional to dig deeper, to share my “imperfections” and “truths” about life rather than a “facade” or mask.  I’m asking friends real, deeper questions and moving from the surface conversations to really get to know them and learning how to pray for them and how to walk together.

One of the biggest things we forfeit by not letting anyone see the realness of our struggles is prayer.  No one will pray for us if they think everything is perfect.  No One is.   It can’t be.  We live on this earth with a real enemy that wants to discourage us, tear us apart, watch us fail, daily.  When we share and walk together in Christ, He is glorified so greatly.

So, I’m being more vulnerable with a few.  I’m not spreading myself so thin with so many but, focusing on depth.  I will always be that person who is there for anyone who needs me, that is the heart Christ has given me but, I am focusing on deepening friendships with some really amazing people.

So, this year I turned 32 and I am truly letting go of perfection.  I am being intentional in these areas to let go of these standards and “lists” I’ve put on myself.  I’m being real and vulnerable with others.  I’m inviting over friends without a perfectly clean house, I’m giving myself grace daily and, becoming more balanced mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I am leaning on God for wisdom on what choices to make daily that my each day would glorify Him and no longer glorify myself.  I’m sure I will have times I backslide (as I’ve been living this way for so long) but, my perspective has changed this year and I’m pursing this goal of letting perfection go.  I hope you do as well.

What standards do you put on yourself in any of these categories that you need to let go of? Comment below.

Letting go of perfection

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60 Comments:
August 23, 2016

Congrats on making it to this place and letting go of standards of perfection that no one can achieve. It’s so much better to live life on the things that truly matter. Trusting in God that we may not always be perfect but we’re exactly who we are suppose to be. Thank you. I love inspirational blogs.

August 23, 2016

Thanks! I am definitely still growing and trying daily but, that is what I’m striving for!

August 23, 2016

There is no such thing as a perfect wife or mom or person. We give 100% in whatever we do and that is our perfect. Only one person was perfect that I know of.

August 23, 2016

LOL yes no one I know is perfect but you are right!

August 23, 2016

Great post. I can relate to this as I have always tried to be a perfectionist at everything. Once I had kids I quickly realized that just wan’t possible or worth the stress!

August 23, 2016

Yes that is so true and it definitely creates stress!

Thanks for sharing something so personal! People relate to the messy, real life stuff. Who knows who you will impact by sharing the real you!

August 23, 2016

Thanks so much!

August 23, 2016

Perfection is the enemy of the good! I definitely relate to the choice to be more vulnerable around a select few people. It’s really the best way to deepen relationships.

August 23, 2016

Yes it is rather than trying to look perfect just being honest! I hope you are soon blessed with those kind of friendships!

August 23, 2016

So true! I know I need to give myself a little more grace in all these areas. And also realize that I hold others close to me to unrealistic ‘perfect’ standards as well. I pray daily for God to grant me grace and mercy, so I need to practice more what I preach. Great post!

August 23, 2016

Yes!! We all need to give ourselves more grace and stop striving for perfection or the look of it. Thanks hun!

August 23, 2016

Your take on this is so refreshing. It’s easy to get caught up in striving for perfection, but I personally think perfection has to be boring. I think you’re on the right track by letting it go, and you might be a little happier at the end of the day if you just try your best. 🙂

August 23, 2016

Thanks so much! Yes, it does seem to bring more overall joy!

August 23, 2016

Bravo! Choose happiness instead!!

August 23, 2016

Exactly!

August 23, 2016

Good for you! I can relate with setting very high “perfect” standards for myself every day…it’s OK to let go of those expectations! Best of luck 🙂

August 23, 2016

Thanks for the encouragement!

August 23, 2016

Nothing in this world is perfect and i’m glad you already let go of that standards. So proud of you! Live life with the people you love the most. Stay happy. Thanks for sharing such wonderful blog.

August 23, 2016

Yes I couldn’t agree more! Thanks!

i love this. i’m always spreading myself too thin. then i feel like i’m failing at everything!

August 23, 2016

Yes, exactly my issue! LOL

I have trapped myself in so many categories of perfection that I don’t even know where to start :< But if I ever want to be a happy person, I need to learn to let go.

August 24, 2016

LOL so many of us can relate but, yes that is true!

August 24, 2016

Wow I really loved this. I always try to do it all as well, and I’m starting to feel like I just can’t. Trying to make everyone happy, but only making myself unhappy in the process is just not fun. I totally get everything that you said in this. I’m a 26, almost 27 year old…I’m a mom to a preschooler and a wife. I try to deal with everything but also keep myself happy and it’s really hard. There are some things that I have just decided not to do, and that is to be perfect and not care what others think. I want to live my own life and make a life for myself that I can be happy with and not just pleasing other people, which I think a lot of mothers and young adults tend to do. Great post. One of the things I have done for myself is create a blog all about different ways of creating and living a life you love and it has become amazing even if other’s don’t read it, I love it. Amazing post that others can relate to.

August 24, 2016

I’m so glad you enjoyed it and I’m glad that you are learning to let all of that go too, it’s gets you no where for sure!

August 24, 2016

I LOVE this! God knows what we need and I feel like what I have is my own form of perfect, you know? Also, I feel like if life was the actual definition of perfect, oh what a boring life it would be!

August 24, 2016

Yes i couldn’t agree more and I love how you view this!

August 24, 2016

I really loved your post. As a perfectionist myself, I really need to work on letting go of perfection. Mainly, allowing myself to feel sad or mad without feeling bad about. We are all human and all feel a range of emotions, good and bad.

August 24, 2016

Yes, emotions are so connected with this and, not having guilt about it. Good job mama!

August 24, 2016

Good for you! We all hold ourselves to such a high expectation and often it’s pressure on ourselves.

August 24, 2016

Yes! Exactly!

August 24, 2016

All of this is so true. I’ve let go of the need to be perfect ever since my MIL started disagreeing with every parenting decision. At that point, all my focus went to baby. And now, that my kids are 2 & 5, I am refocusing on setting realistic goals of “perfection”. One of your examples, is that I still want to look nice for my husband (and myself) AND have dinners ready 50% of the time. It’s all about moderation. And yes, we all need encouragement and to realize no one is perfect!

August 24, 2016

Aww yea that’s tough. That is great how you have lessened those expectations for yourself! Great job mama!

August 24, 2016

Good for you. That’s probably the best lesson you can give yourself for your birthday. I think my main goals are not to be perfect but to be happy, kind and hard working.

August 25, 2016

Yes! Those are awesome goals!

August 25, 2016

I had a very similar revelation not too long ago. Especially, wrapped around my own definition of being the perfect mom to both my biological and adopted children. And, what is crazy is by me letting go of these false ideals that I needed to achieve I have become a much better mom to my kids. Let it go!!! Love your message!!

August 25, 2016

Yes!That is so awesome! Thanks for the encouragement

August 25, 2016

AMEN! I recently wrote a submission for a book with the same message. This was beautifully said! Thank you for putting it out there and being so honest, but encouraging at the same time.

August 25, 2016

No problem! Thanks for the encouragement! I will have to check that out!

August 26, 2016

Trying to be The Perfect Friend is something I struggle with as I end up pouring energy into the people who don’t deserve it.

August 26, 2016

Yes me too! Some are worth it and some aren’t!

August 26, 2016

Thank you for reminding me that it’s ok to not be “perfect.” We often have this illusion that we need to hold it together 100% of the time, when in reality, no one can. This was such an encouraging post- good for you! And happy belated birthday

August 26, 2016

Thanks so much! We all need those reminders!

August 26, 2016

I love that you said you are being more vulnerable with a few! I can relate! A good quality few we can open up to is the best and so healthy.

August 26, 2016

Thanks so much! Yes, it is good for me and deepens true friendships!

August 26, 2016

I am having the hardest time letting go of my perfection. But it is the art of small steps. Really loved your article, thnak you, Jehava!

August 26, 2016

I’m so glad and I totally understand I go back and forth but, I’m determined to make these changes!

August 27, 2016

I struggle with this too!! Thanks for the inspiration!

August 27, 2016

No problem! We all do! 🙂

August 27, 2016

I love these. All three of them. It’s like you looked into my mind and pulled out the three items that plague me the most at present. Thanks for being so open and sharing. Amazing post!

August 27, 2016

LOL I feel the same! Thanks!

August 27, 2016

Great job! I found that I’ve been way happier since I’ve let go of perfection. I still do my best but I don’t worry if something isn’t as perfect as I’d hoped it would be.

August 27, 2016

YES! It is directly connected to happiness!

August 27, 2016

This post was great! So often I think I need to be perfect to be a good mom or wife when I don’t!

August 27, 2016

Thanks so much! YES!

August 27, 2016

Thank you for being so honest! It’s hard to not want to be perfect but we also need to remind ourselves that only God is perfect and he shows us perfect grace and mercy every single day.

August 27, 2016

Yes! I couldn’t say it better! So true!

September 1, 2016

I related so much of this heartfelt and authentic post. Thank you for sharing with us so candidly. Perfection is such a hard ideal to strive for, yet as women we feel an intense amount of pressure to do so. What I most appreciated was the idea of giving ourselves grace. We extend to our friends, our children, our husbands, why not offer ourselves the same? Beautiful post and a timely read for me.

September 2, 2016

Thanks so much! Yes, you are so right! We don’t give ourselves the same grace we do others. I still struggle with this but, am determined to make these changes.

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