Something happens when your kids go to school that, it becomes like pulling teeth to get them to talk about their days.  I want to share with you 4 questions that will get your kids to talk openly about school.  I have 3 boys that are currently in elementary and high school.  I have learned through trial & error how to get them to really open up and share details about their days.

I used to be so excited to pick them up from school and hear all about their day (considering that is where they spend the majority of it) and I would go to ask the traditional question: “How was your day?”. Hoping for a dissertation, I would get a “Good” response with no follow up.  I struggled for years with questions that would get them to talk and share about their experiences and what they were learning at school.  After all how can I “train” and help them with navigating through “the real world” (which is “school” at this age) if they won’t open up and tell me the different situations they encounter.  So here are the questions that have worked for us:

1.  What was your favorite part of school today?Why?

Many times this answer centers around physical education or recess but, it gets them talking in depth about different things that happened with them or that they did while in school.  Many times this gives me a deeper understanding of each personality and what they like and find exciting to do or learn about in school.  Kids get excited to share about what they like and you gain insight into their view on the different experiences of their day.

2.  What did you struggle with today?

I tell my kids to share one thing that was hard or a struggle and I tell them this can be school work or a situation with another kid in class that may have been challenging.  This is a great way to talk about dealing with difficult people or what they should do when things get hard at school.  You also learn what subjects your child might be struggling with more than others.

I also take this time to encourage them and tell them what the Bible says about them being more than conquerors.  Also teaching them to pray and lean on God at school when things get challenging.  Sometimes I just listen and let them share but, sometimes I give advice for dealing with various situations

3.  Tell me one thing you learned about.

I realized over the years that trying to get every detail out of them about what they learned in school was exhausting for us both LOL and, not beneficial to bonding or communicating more efficiently.  So, I’ve let that go.  I now just ask them to tell me one new thing they learned about in school that day.  This is a lot easier of a question as they don’t have to remember every little thing they did and again, I learn a lot about them and their developing personalities by what they share.

4.  In what way were you a blessing to someone else today?

I don’t want my children to grow up to be self-absorbed individuals and sadly many of us do a variety of things in parenting that we don’t realize adds to them becoming that way.  So, I intentionally added this question so that through the day they will not just think about what’s happening to them but, how they are affecting others.

It is important to us that my boys realize the importance of being a light for Jesus in this world and how they are showing others His love.  Every single day they should make it a point to be intentional about being a blessing to someone.  We give them examples of how they could do that : inviting a person who is alone to play with your group of friends, helping someone who is struggling with their school work, praying for another kid who is upset, forgiving someone who didn’t deserve it.  Every day they have a different story to share and, sometimes it’s just being kind to kids who are already friends but, sometimes it’s going out of their way to include or help someone else.

Being an example is so important so we share with them how have we done these things as well.  That we ourselves have ups and downs to everyday.  That doesn’t stop as an adult.  This is such a conviction for me because, it makes me look at myself and some days I don’t have an answer.  So, this question helps me as well to grow and step outside of my own life and look into someone else’s.

I hope these questions start meaningful conversations between you and your children so that school doesn’t create a distance between you and them.   That this will bond you closer together as they become their own person, with their own views and circumstances that they will encounter.  In no way do I have it all figured out, but I’m learning what does and doesn’t work for our children and for now this seems to bring us closer and get them to to talk more freely about their days.

I pray that every person who reads this is able to form a deeper relationship with their child this school year!!

XoXo

***What questions do you ask your kids that help them open up to you about their day??

For more parenting articles, check out: “How to raise grateful kids.”

4 questions that will get your kid to talk to you openly about school

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122 comments

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What great questions! I’m sure it helps the boys set those things (learning, working through a struggle, being a blessing, and enjoying something) as goals and make them more intentional through out the day as well. Very Nice.

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AWW thanks so much hun!

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Communication is so important! And it is like “pulling teeth” to get them to talk about their day. Great ideas for getting them to open up!

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I know it really is! Thanks!

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Great questions! I also suffered with the one word answers until I became creative with questions like yours. Thanks so much..we are started over with a 3yo so these tips are helpful 🙂

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That’s awesome! Thanks!

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Great starter questions to get kids talking! When I ask “How was your day?” I get nothing. I’m going to try these out this afternoon!

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Awesome! So glad!

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These are wonderful questions! We still have little ones, so we aren’t quite here yet, but I’m looking forward to using this later!

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Awesome! Yea we started at pre-k! It’ll be here before you know it!

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Great ideas for questions. My godkids can be nonverbal about school day. when i ask what was good about it. i get a lot more words 🙂

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That’s fantastic!

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I absolute love these! It makes it so much easier for them to talk when you give them good prompts!

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Yea, it really does!!

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I really like the 2nd question you posed — what did you struggle with today. It’s a simple question but it’s not something that I would think to ask. You can definitely get to know their day by finding out if they encountered any challenges. These are great questions to get them to share because “how was your day” is just too broad of a question. Thanks for sharing.

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I know that is very true!! No problem. Thanks!!

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My little one is just starting preschool, and I’ve heard from so many this is an issue. Thanks for the post!

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That’s awesome ..yea it definitely begins then! Good luck mama!

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I always laugh when I hear people says, “So how was school?” because you are going to get a good or bad and that is about it. I always try to ask specific questions that I know they will have more to tell me about (I am only dealing with a preschooler though, lol). My favorite question to ask is “what snack did you have today?” and she will tell me all about the snack choices!

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AWW yes that is a great age appropriate question!! My other son is only 2 so I get it! LOL

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I love this post! These are great questions to get to know your kids and love them well!

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Thanks so much!!!

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Love these questions! Thank you 🙂

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AWW Thanks so much!!

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Thanks so much!

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When I was younger I was very much one of those kids who gave the “it was okay” responses. Thinking back I would have to say that if my mom or grandma had asked me any of these four questions I probably would have been a lot more talkative about my day. In all honesty I probably would have engaged more with others in school if my mom had asked what did I learn and how was a I blessing.

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AWW that’s so great to hear! Thanks so much for sharing!!

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You have a beautiful family! I love this post and yes it is sometimes hard to get little ones to open up about what has happened at school. Thank you for your practical prompts and advice!

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Thanks so much!!! Yes, it is and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

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I really enjoyed this post, it will definitely prepare me for motherhood some day. The questions are easy for them to interpret yet it also gives you the results you want as well. I love it!

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Thanks so much! Yes, that’s great to hear!

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These are great! My daughter is only in pre kinder (3.5yrs old) and I already get blocked with every question I ask!

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LOL YES! I have a 2 year old too so I get it! The older they get the more need for communication as these may have to be tweaked some for toddlers!

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It’s definitely a struggle to get kids to talk about school, especially boys. Nice set of questions to get dialogue going. When my boys were younger we had similar ones, worked really well until high school. And then all answers are monosyllabic.

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YES! To boys lol.. thanks so much!!

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These are some great questions! I hate getting no answer when I pick up my little one from school. But these seem like they’ll definitely open up some dialogue.

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I know it can be frustrating! Hope these help!

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These questions are a great way to start a conversation with the kids about school. My daughter and eldest son were very open about how their day went. I had difficulty with my youngest son though. He was so timid and I only found out what was going on in school if I called his teacher. I guess he overcome his shyness because when he got into high school, he was shouting, “Mama, guess what happened at school today!” soon as he got in the house. I am sharing this post with my cousin who has three young daughters in grade school.

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AWW thanks for sharing! That’s awesome. I think this is so related to personalities too!

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These are great questions to ask because kids aren’t ones to just answer “How was School?” with a complete answer. It helps to ask direct questions and is often how much more you can learn this way. Staying connected to them helps keep you aware of changes if things happen.

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Yes and Yes I couldn’t agree more!

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These are fantastic! I’m trying them out with my son today. 🙂

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Awesome! So glad to hear!

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I love this — thank you for sharing it! I always try to ask my kids open ended questions instead of questions with yes or no answers. I especially love the last question, it really gets them thinking about how they’ve impacted people.

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That’s fantastic! Thanks so much!

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#1 is the first thing I ask my kids as soon as they get home. I want them to know I care and that I’m there if anything is bothering. Even if Im busy and working they know to sit down and just talk about their day, its become a routine. They snack and tell me all about their day.

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That’s fantastic! thanks for sharing!

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This is such a great resource! Sometimes it is so hard to get them talking, I especially love #4.

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Aww thanks so much! I appreciate that

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I will totally try these with our kids too – great ideas thanks!

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I’m so glad!

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These are all great questions that will get your kids to talk instead of just getting “Nothing” out of them. I especially love asking them how did you bless someone today?

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Thanks so much!!

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I love this! My kids are like me, they give a lot of details from the simplest questions, but questions like “what did you struggle with?” can really get them thinking and we can pnder ways to make tomorrow better. Thanks for sharing!

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That’s awesome! LOL GReat!!

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I wrote a post like this last year that I so need to update. Love hearing what other people ask their kids!

Glam Hungry Mom

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Oh that’s awesome I’ll have to check it out!

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Love these ideas! Asking what they struggled with is neat because then you can help come up ways that you could work through those struggles with them:)

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Thanks so much and yes exactly!

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What great questions! An added benefit of asking these questions to your kids everyday is that they know you are going to ask and so they know they will need to come up with an answer. As a result, they will pay closer attention to their day and the people around them.

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YEs exactly! That is the hope!

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I’ve taught Kindergarten and First grade for many years. Before we left for the day we tried to review what we called our “Special Shares” which were things we were looking forward to sharing with those at home. Kids are so funny when they get home, sometimes they’d forget something and tell their families 3 or 4 days later!

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LOL aww that’s really great too!

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Great post! It is so important to keep those lines of communication open! I have 2 in school (1 at home). My daughter will tell me anything and everything, but it’s much harder to get anything out of my son (in Kinder). These are great questions to ask and I love how you center it around Jesus!

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Aww thanks so much! Yes, you can change them for their ages too!

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We do this at dinner with our toddler, not just school related but ask eachother about their day. He loves this part of the dinner conversation.

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Aww that’s fantastic! Good job mama!

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I so so so SO wish all the parents of my students would have conversations like this with their kids when they got home from school!

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AWW maybe they will read this blog lol

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I know!! LOL

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Great post. It’s all too hard to get kids to talk about school. They always seem to want to throw out vague comments and go off to play. 🙂

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Awesome post! Open ended questions are so important to getting kids to open up!

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Yes they really are!

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I love this. My teenager usually just grunts out responses, but my nine year old will give me more info.

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LOL yes ages do make a difference too!

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You really have to work at the communication…somethings like pulling teeth! Great suggestions!

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LOL thanks!!

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communication is really important in the family… In our daily busy life, as mom, and as a career woman, we still need to look over our kids. And the best way to stay in guard with them is a completely open communication. Me with my kids, I always make sure that we are having not just a mom and kids relationship but also I being their friends, someone they can tell anything, to avoid them from looking for other to talk to and avoid them from having wrong person beside them. Motherhood is really a tough job..buts a great fulfillment.

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Yes, that is so very true! Great job mama!

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Communication is key in any relationship, especially family. My kids a really talkers so this is an easy task for us.

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That’s great! Hopefully that continues for you guys!

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Great conversation starters. I always find that once kids start talking, they don’t stop! (Next up: how to get them to stop talking) 😉 haha. Lovely post! X

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LOL thanks!

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Hello Jehava,

I admire your patience with kids (just like other Moms in the world!) and communicating with them efficiently. I admit I’m not good with them, meaning I’m a bit uptight with kids… your post makes me help to understand them a bit better, and yup, extend my patience 🙂

Great post!

For Urban Women

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Thanks!

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These are great. I always have a hard time getting my niece to be descriptive about her day so I will put these questions to use in our next conversation.

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I’m so glad they can help you guys connect!

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Thanks so much for these tips. When I pick my son up from preschool, it can be hard to get him to talk about his day… but of course I want to know EVERYTHING! haha

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LOL I know! Thanks!

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This is so important. I always ask my kids questions to prompt conversation about their day or what’s going on at school. It also let’s them know that you care.

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Thats great! Good job mama!

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Great questions!!!! My duaghter loves telling me about her day so it’s always the first thing I ask her after school

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That’s fantastic!

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Great tips shared! I don’t have kids but I do ask my hubby about his day at work!

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My daughter isn’t in school yet but I love these questions and how they’re all open ended that require a response!

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Thanks so much! It will come fast! lol

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I don’t have school age kids yet but I’ll have to remember these for when my little one is that age!

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Yes! It’ll be here before you know it!

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These are some great questions. Some children have a harder time expressing their emotions and it’s important for us to be alert and proactive.

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YEs you said it perfectly!

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Those are great questions but don’t work so well when they become teenagers…..*sigh*

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Ugh. LOL I’ll have to reevaluate then!

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I love all of these questions. I think number 4 is my favorite.

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Thank you so much! Mine too!

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Beautiful boys there.
Great points I love them .my favourite is number 2 that makes them open up more and get to talk …. I will pin this.

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Thanks so much! I really appreciate it!

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I love number 4!!! Never thought of asking that question, but it will definitely be one of them from now on.

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Oh I’m so glad! Thanks so much!

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These are great questions. I used to get the “How was your day?” and gave the “Fine” answer. lol Open ended questions help them have a conversation in the long run too.

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Yes, that is so true!

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Great questions, I always ask my kids about their day but I ask the same way every time. I’m going to change things up and see how our chat goes.

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Yes! I used to do the same thing! Awesome!

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I don’t have children to test the theory of these being great questions. but they seem like some great questions and i love that you are teaching them godly principles. A strong foundation with God will make for great adults,

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Thanks so much! I appreciate that!

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I love this. It reminded me so much of Oprah talking to her Super Soul Sunday guests. You are really building a beautiful relationship with your sons!

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Thank you so much for that encouragement!!

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Great questions to ask! I’m going to start using these tonight!

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AWesome! I’m so glad they are helpful to you!

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These are great questions. Something to keep in mind when I talk to kids since I don’t have any of my own.

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Awesome!!

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This was a great post. We’ve been having convos with our daughter like this since she started going to daycare. Now that she’s in kindergarten it continues. The last question is great! I am stealing it.

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That’s fantastic! Thanks!!

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