4 questions that will get your kids to talk openly about school

Something happens when your kids go to school that, it becomes like pulling teeth to get them to talk about their days.  I want to share with you 4 questions that will get your kids to talk openly about school.  I have 3 boys that are currently in elementary and high school.  I have learned through trial & error how to get them to really open up and share details about their days.

I used to be so excited to pick them up from school and hear all about their day (considering that is where they spend the majority of it) and I would go to ask the traditional question: “How was your day?”. Hoping for a dissertation, I would get a “Good” response with no follow up.  I struggled for years with questions that would get them to talk and share about their experiences and what they were learning at school.  After all how can I “train” and help them with navigating through “the real world” (which is “school” at this age) if they won’t open up and tell me the different situations they encounter.  So here are the questions that have worked for us:

1.  What was your favorite part of school today?Why?

Many times this answer centers around physical education or recess but, it gets them talking in depth about different things that happened with them or that they did while in school.  Many times this gives me a deeper understanding of each personality and what they like and find exciting to do or learn about in school.  Kids get excited to share about what they like and you gain insight into their view on the different experiences of their day.

2.  What did you struggle with today?

I tell my kids to share one thing that was hard or a struggle and I tell them this can be school work or a situation with another kid in class that may have been challenging.  This is a great way to talk about dealing with difficult people or what they should do when things get hard at school.  You also learn what subjects your child might be struggling with more than others.

I also take this time to encourage them and tell them what the Bible says about them being more than conquerors.  Also teaching them to pray and lean on God at school when things get challenging.  Sometimes I just listen and let them share but, sometimes I give advice for dealing with various situations

3.  Tell me one thing you learned about.

I realized over the years that trying to get every detail out of them about what they learned in school was exhausting for us both LOL and, not beneficial to bonding or communicating more efficiently.  So, I’ve let that go.  I now just ask them to tell me one new thing they learned about in school that day.  This is a lot easier of a question as they don’t have to remember every little thing they did and again, I learn a lot about them and their developing personalities by what they share.

4.  In what way were you a blessing to someone else today?

I don’t want my children to grow up to be self-absorbed individuals and sadly many of us do a variety of things in parenting that we don’t realize adds to them becoming that way.  So, I intentionally added this question so that through the day they will not just think about what’s happening to them but, how they are affecting others.

It is important to us that my boys realize the importance of being a light for Jesus in this world and how they are showing others His love.  Every single day they should make it a point to be intentional about being a blessing to someone.  We give them examples of how they could do that : inviting a person who is alone to play with your group of friends, helping someone who is struggling with their school work, praying for another kid who is upset, forgiving someone who didn’t deserve it.  Every day they have a different story to share and, sometimes it’s just being kind to kids who are already friends but, sometimes it’s going out of their way to include or help someone else.

Being an example is so important so we share with them how have we done these things as well.  That we ourselves have ups and downs to everyday.  That doesn’t stop as an adult.  This is such a conviction for me because, it makes me look at myself and some days I don’t have an answer.  So, this question helps me as well to grow and step outside of my own life and look into someone else’s.

I hope these questions start meaningful conversations between you and your children so that school doesn’t create a distance between you and them.   That this will bond you closer together as they become their own person, with their own views and circumstances that they will encounter.  In no way do I have it all figured out, but I’m learning what does and doesn’t work for our children and for now this seems to bring us closer and get them to to talk more freely about their days.

I pray that every person who reads this is able to form a deeper relationship with their child this school year!!

XoXo

***What questions do you ask your kids that help them open up to you about their day??

For more parenting articles, check out: “How to raise grateful kids.”