How far apart should I space out my kids? {Pros and Cons}

I am a mom to 3 boys: ages 2, 8 and (newly 11).  I have had my children very close together (a little over 2 years apart) and farther apart (6 years).  Both of these scenarios have many pros and cons that I want to share with you, as you decide how far you should space out your kids.

Our first child (Josiah) was not planned at all but, our second (Sion) was.  We wanted them to be close in age so, having them close to 2.5 years apart meant we had to start trying around 1½.  Now if you have a one year old you know they still seem like a baby and it seems crazy to take on another child but, that’s what you have to do to have them closer together.  Here are some pros that I’ve noticed for having them close together:

PRO’s:

• They truly become best friends.  Life gets easier.  They officially have a playmate other than YOU! From the second we brought our 2nd child home, Josiah was mesmerized and so excited to have another little person in the house.Whether it’s just playing toys, at the park or on vacation they have someone their size to enjoy life with!

• You get a break.  You don’t have to play with them and entertain them nonstop. You can relax a little more as their sibling becomes their source of entertainment.  They truly become best friends.

• You have less guilt.  I used to always feel guilty with my first if I didn’t want to push him on the swings at the playground or get on the ground to play trucks & cars.  Now, that he had a sibling, I didn’t feel guilty when I needed to do other things because he always had someone to play with.

CON’s:

• Exhaustion becomes your constant state.  I barely remember the first 2 years of having 2 kids! It was such a blur due to being so tired all the time.  I hadn’t potty trained my oldest so, I had 2 in diapers and neither one could do too much for themselves so, I was always on my feet.  I was also adjusting to breastfeeding, not sleeping AT ALL at night and dealing with the “terrible two’s.”

• “Sleep when the baby sleep” disappears.  There were so many days where I really needed a nap from waking up every few hours with the baby but, there were days that my toddler would protest a nap and I would spend so much time getting him to sleep and by that time the baby was up! I learned to function on so little sleep, it truly is a miracle.

• You have to split your time.  With our first child, everything was poured into him (1rst children are so lucky!) and our parent to child ratio was 2:1.  It then changed to 2:2 where we had to tag team everything.  My husband and I would always have one child and the other would take care of the other child.  It was always a swap and, because they were so young we were always on “duty.”  Neither could be left alone.  We didn’t rest unless they were asleep.
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My most recent experience was having kids farther apart.  We both said we wanted 2 but, when my youngest went to kindergarten I wanted to have one more cute & cuddly baby..so we did! His name is Silas.  That means it was 6 years since we had a little baby in the house.  Here are the pro’s & con’s:

PRO’s:

• You have helpers! Omg, this has been the best.  The older boys run and get me whatever I need for this little guy so, that I didn’t have to always be “on my feet” like with my other kids.  These boys are such big helpers & it blesses me daily.  My life is so much easier when they are around.

• You have 2 playmates.  I have heard this is rare with boys, but my boys ADORE their baby brother.  They are borderline obsessed with him & have been since we brought him home!  They are always playing with him & keeping him occupied for me to get more things done.  I get so sad when they are at school, because they are such a great help to me!  If one doesn’t feel like playing, it’s awesome that Silas has a second option in brothers to entertain him.

• You appreciate everything like you never have before! After having kids grow older, you realize just how quickly this stage passes.  I realize that I won’t have a baby again or go through all these special stages.  When I had 2 closer together, I rushed them in many ways to grow up (walk & talk) to make life easier.  However, with Silas I find that I soak up every little minute because, now I’ve experienced how quickly the minutes pass by and before I know it he will be as big as them! {tear}

CON’S:

• He doesn’t always have a play mate.  When my older boys head to school, he doesn’t have someone to play with for most of the day other than me or when I schedule play dates.  Also, my older boys play super well with him but, sometimes don’t want to play with “toddler” toys which can leave him alone.

• You are starting over.  We had just gotten to the point of “self-sufficiency” with our older 2 boys, and then we went back to the stage of doing everything for another human being.  It felt like we had a whole new freedom that we traded in for another baby.  So, that was definitely an adjustment.

• You are older.  It doesn’t matter what age you start having kids, if you wait and have a longer gap…..you will be older.  Meaning, you are more tired and don’t have the same spunk you may have had 5+ years prior.  You really notice the difference in your body from pregnancy through the toddler years (where I currently am) and everything seems to take a lot more energy.

I am borderline obsessed with these 3 boys, they are such a blessing to my life! There were definitely pros and cons between having our kids close together and spacing them far apart but, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  To be honest, I struggled finding the con’s because, there were WAY more positives than I listed to both scenarios!

So, whether you decide to have all your kiddos close together or far apart, I’m sure it will be PERFECT for your family!!

Blessings!

XOXO

* If you’re looking for another article on family & raising these little blessings, check out ““How to raise grateful kids.”