Marriage is hard work and all of us have times where we feel overwhelmed and that we need some help to connect and love each other better. I want to share 10 tips for spicing up your marriage, that have worked well for us.
We are not a perfect couple and have the same struggles that many of you have. We have to fight daily to glorify God in our marriage, above ourselves. We do realize that with God at the center of our marriage it is possible… to be happy, to enjoy your spouse, to be best friends and to love being married. I believe these tips will help your marriage dramatically.
Spicing Up Your Marriage
This is seriously the solution to so many issues! So many spouses feel unloved, unwanted and this eliminates those insecurities that take place in all of us.
Whether it’s a hug, a kiss or a hand resting on your leg as you watch TV together, physical touch communicates so much. We are all battling so much during in our daily lives and when we come back together that affection helps us feel safe, loved, and closer to each other.
Action: Rather than sitting in separate places to watch TV tonight, sit next to each other and cuddle. When you get home from work or your husband comes in (even though I know your tired) get up and hug or kiss him, showing him you care and are excited to be with him.
2. Pray together & for each other.
There are times we do a great job at this and times where we fall all the way off the wagon. There is no comparison to the times we pray together before the day starts, we are more connected in every way and feel more encouraged individually to conquer whatever the day may hold.
Also, take time throughout the day to say a quick prayer for your spouse. They are dealing with the same struggles that you are dealing with and you know better than anyone else what they truly need prayer for, even if it is to be a better spouse! PRAY! There is so much power in prayer! I’ve seen it truly do miracles in our marriage!!
Action: Send a text telling your spouse that you’re praying for them! It might be all the encouragement that they need for that day!
3. Plan a date!
Dates are very important in every marriage. If you have little ones, do a kid swap with other friends that will watch your kids and then help them out at a later time. If you have family locally, your even luckier! Even if you don’t have kids, it is equally important to plan and get out of the house together.
There are seasons where we plan them more than others, but when we go it is so reviving our marriage as a whole. Try to schedule them regularly or everything will seem to take priority instead.
There is something about getting out in a romantic setting where the pressures you both share of finances, home, children, jobs are less stressful and you can talk about dreams and aspirations in a relaxed manner. Get dressed up cute, like you were dating, to show them you truly care about being attractive for them.
Action: Pick a date on the calendar this month! Pick a restaurant or activity to do together and go!
4. Initiate Intimacy
This will do wonders for your relationship!! Especially for your husband! This is his greatest need and it is important to care about making him feel loved just as much as we want to feel the same. It’s amazing the difference it makes on how your husband will treat you, appreciate you and love you when your sex life is where it needs to be. Initiating that time with him makes him feel wanted & loved more than anything else you can do.
I know this is a struggle for many moms when feeling exhausted at the end of the day but, it really just depends how important it is for your marriage to grow and get better.
Action: No time is better than the present to go and initiate a time of intimacy with your husband.
5. Praise each other.
All of us struggle with feeling inadequate at various times in our lives or feeling like we aren’t doing anything right. Satan constantly bombards us with “your not enough”, “your failing in this area of life”, “you can’t do anything right” types of thoughts. As husbands and wives we have to fight against those thoughts for our spouse. This is done by encouraging each other and looking at what the other person is doing right. We all have room for growth but, we already know those areas. We need a voice that silences our insecurities and has faith in us.
Through the day we text each other things like “I’m praying for you”, “I love you”, “Thanks for all your hard work for our family.”
Action: Send a text today to your spouse telling him how grateful you are for all he does, for being a good dad, or telling him he’s your best friend. An “I love you” text goes a long ways.
6. Cook his favorite meal.
I know you have a million things on your to-do list today and cooking a meal is a big sacrifice but, the truth is a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. LOL. It’s a sacrifice and gesture to show your love for him. Even if it’s simple, if his favorite food is Mexican, cook a spiced up version of tacos.
Action: Plan to cook his favorite meal one night this week.
7. Give each other gifts.
This is not everyone’s love language. It is really important to know your husbands love language. This is one of the most popular books about learning which ways your spouse feels loved the most, as well as knowing yourself. I know many couples have had testimonies that this book alone turned their marriage completely around and helped them understand each other way better! This book truly is amazing & worth the read!
Funny thing is people who have been married 10+ years and think they know everything about the other person find that they have been getting it all wrong.
We periodically get each other gifts. Everyone still loves a surprise once in a while, and it doesn’t need to be expensive. I get my husband his favorite box of candy from the dollar store, his favorite soda, or a CD that he’s really been wanting (he’s an amazing musician and LOVES music).
Action: Plan to get him something simple that he likes this week and surprise him some night to show him he is important to you.
8. Communicate daily.
Whether you have a spouse that travels a lot or that comes home late for work. You can always make time to communicate about your day. It is so important to just have a time to build your friendship by talking about your day together. The highs and the lows. Sometimes that means having a conversation to agree to only listen, not trying to “fix” the other persons problems or criticize them but, both striving just to listen, agree and support each other, only giving advice when asked. This builds friendship between you two the same as other friends. Sometimes it’s best just to be a sounding board.
I struggle with this as I’m always tempted to give advice but, I really just try to listen and not critique and, I’ve noticed the positive change in my marriage from that alone.
Action: Start a conversation every night this week, asking each other the high and low of the day.
9. Don’t let holidays fall through the cracks.
Every human being I know wants to feel special on their birthdays, anniversary, Valentines day, Mothers’ Day and any other holiday but, sadly I meet women all the time who have learned to just not expect much on those days because, it’s not important to their spouse rather than having a conversation telling their spouse what makes them fell loved.
My husband would be fine with no gifts, ever.LOL. He is a grateful and unselfish person when it comes to that area. However, I have always gone all out for all holidays for him and you can tell it still makes him feel happy, loved and appreciated and I am very open with the fact that those things mean a lot to me too. Holidays are such a great way to show each other you care and do something special for your spouse.
Action: Start to plan what you want to do for the next holiday that is coming up. Brainstorm & follow through.
10. Humble Yourself.
My husband has just as many things as he has to forgive me for, as I do him. The thing is that in my experience:
Grace and Forgiveness are the real keys to a successful marriage.
Realizing you are both flawed individuals, neither better than the other in need of grace to overlook annoyances, selfishness, hurt and so much more. Even when you feel like the other person is more in the wrong, being the first to go and ask for forgiveness or at least start a conversation that leads to communication and healing of any offense is so important.
Moving on quickly is beneficial to you and your marriage. What is the purpose of holding on to it for multiple days?? It hurts you both. Why not show forgiveness, and decide to move on. Nothing softens hearts of the one who has done the most wrong as showing them kindness, forgiveness and grace. I know it does for me! No fight is really worth it.
When I think of the grace & forgiveness I receive from Christ daily, I can’t help but, humble myself to look at the bigger picture and want to grant the same grace. The truth is that Satan hates marriage and he does things daily to try to pin you against each other but, when you are aware of this you can fight against those attacks and show each other grace & love instead!
Action: The next time you have to show grace(probably the next 24 hours LOL) think of how much you are in need of grace from your spouse & God and, humble yourself to move on quickly.
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For more articles on marriage, check out “5 Tips for Having a Good Marriage After Kids.”
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