I talk to so many women that want their marriages to get better and are just in a season of struggling to love, or even like their spouse. Whenever I fall into the same “space” I realize that it is usually our friendship that is lacking. That is truly the basis for everything because, the looks and “spark” are not going to be there every day, but a solid friendship is what really grows the love between two people.
Better Friendship With Your Husband
Without a doubt I would say that Titus (my husband) is truly my best friend and the best “best friend” I have ever had. He has shown me without a doubt that he loves me unconditionally and will always there for me. He looks past all of my flaws and encourages me to be what God has called me to be. He is always my shoulder to lean on, my encouragement, my spiritual leader and so much more. Just like any marriage, we have our ups and downs but there are certain things that I realize have helped us in times of needing to get our friendship back on track. So, here are 5 ways to build a better friendship with your husband:
1. Take time to talk daily.
Every night we take time to sit on the couch and just talk. We talk about our days, our ups and downs and just listen to the other person honestly vent. Just like any friendship, being able to be open and real with another individual about what is going on in your life strengthens your bond. The same works for husbands and wives.
As many spouses have very different routines it is important to take this time. I am a stay at home mom and he works in the financial industry and, there are so many different experiences we both have during the day. We need this time to decompress and share with each other. It leaves us feeling more connected and involved in the other persons day!
2. Be silly.
Life is way too serious in it’s self. There is always something you can worry or stress over. I can tend to be the more serious one, while my husband seems to always be relaxed and playful. However, I’ve realized that being able to be relaxed and silly more often helps us build a better friendship. When you were dating, you were most likely more laid back and laughed more because, there weren’t as many pressures and areas of stress to think about. Force yourself to let go and just laugh together, watch a funny show together or make jokes and tickle each other. Let loose and you will see your hearts bond together.
3. Text/call each other during the day.
There are so many couples I talk to who do not speak at all during the times of 9-5 but, the reality is that if you were dating (even with a full time job) you would find every free minute to reach out and see how the other person is doing. We send each other texts throughout the day. Some days more than others but, we always try to connect just to see how the other person is doing and check on them.
When any of my girlfriends reach out to see how I am and show they care about what’s going on in my life it means a lot and, it strengthens our friendship. The same goes for our friendship in marriage. The more you talk, and show you care and are thinking of that person during your daily routine it brings you closer together in friendship!
4. Go do something fun together.
My girlfriends and I do “girls nights” to just get out of the house and have some fun, kid-free! There is something about hanging out where you can talk openly in a fun atmosphere that just forms a bond that is deeper than hanging out when your watching kids, or multitasking a bunch of different things.
In our marriage, doing dates is so important and life giving to our relationship. There are times that we have let the time go too far and I’ve seen our marriage suffer. However, when we keep dates as a priority we thrive in our relationship. Having time without our kids, where we dress up for the one another and just have uninterrupted conversation really strengthens our friendship. Whether we go out to eat, to a play, on a walk, or rock climbing, just having time to remember what we like about each other is important for our marriage to thrive.
We also go away every year for our anniversary even on a tight budget and, it helps us remember every year that our relationship has to come first or everything else in our household will suffer.
5. Pray for one another.
I truly pray for my closest friends or anyone who shares with me a struggle they are going through. I also let them know that I am praying for them so they know that I care. When my husband tells me he is praying for me, my heart could burst. As a christian, there is no greater sign of love for me than knowing you care about my spiritual life and growth! I pray for my friends for things they share and don’t share with me. As you get close to people, you can see some things they might struggle with that they might not share and I look to pray for those things as well.
This is exactly what I do for my husband. I let him know daily that I am praying for him. I also pray for what he shares and what he doesn’t. The struggles I see, the things we don’t talk about and the things that we do. I pray for every aspect of his life, his heart, his mind and his soul. I pray for our marriage and our friendship to grow and glorify God. I believe that this is the biggest factor in strengthening our friendship. Praying that God will show me how to be a good friend and wife to him and every day I see different ways to do that.
Marriage is hard work because, you have two flawed individuals blending their lives together. Both have many faults and neither is perfect so it takes work to build the love and friendship between the two. I really think focusing on these 5 steps helps grow a deeper friendship in marriage. It’s all about being intentional. After 11 years, these are all things I still have to remind myself to work on daily and be proactive about to help our relationship to continue to grow and not get stuck in a funk. I hope that these will help you as well!
If your looking for more tips to help bring the flame back to your marriage, check out 10 tips for spicing up your marriage!
Feel free to comment below with more tips to help build a better friendship with your spouse! I love hearing your opinions and we can always use more tips as well!
Thanks for reading!
For more tips of marriage, check out “10 Tips for Spicing up your marriage.”
I love this! For us, we are so tired by the end of the day that it’s easy to just throw on the tv and veg for the next 3 hours! Sometimes that is definitely necessary, but we try to have dinner together at the table with no distractions and sometimes we sit for over an hour just talking. It’s my favorite time to connect! xo
Oh we all have nights like that! LOL but, we try our best to connect more often! Thanks for sharing!
Love this! My husband and I are coming up on our first anniversary and I’m so happy that we are best friends. I look forward to our friendship lasting a lifetime. You and your husband are so cute!
Congrats! Yes, if you keep it a priority it will!! Thanks so much!
Remember why you fell in love and revisiting those places are great ideas. Being silly and texting are fun ideas too 🙂 my favorite is #5
Thanks so much!!
Thanks for this much needed reminder Jehava! 26 yrs September 29th and committed to our marriage covenant. Thank you for the encouragement!
Wow! How amazing! Congrats!! Thanks for reading!
What an awesome blog post. You have made me realize that in the craziness of my world, I have let some of these important priorities go. Stumbling to share!
I’m so glad! We all get in those places! Thanks for reading and sharing!
Marla | Because I Said So Baby
The “be silly” part is so important! Sometimes everything can feel so serious and it’s important to remind ourselves we just need to act like kids every now and again. Great post!
I know i struggle with letting loose too! LOL Thanks!
Great ideas, some of which I already use. Someone once told me the best thing I can do for my kids is to make my marriage a priority, so I try. For me, praying for my husband has been key to our marriage.
Yes, prayer really is! I totally agree! Thanks!
I love this list. These are great reminders. Sometimes we forget to have a sense of humor as families.
Yes! That is so true! Thanks!
This is beautifully written. I love the things it says and I can tell you two love each other a lot. May it continue to grow and be filled with blessings galore.
Thanks so much for the encouragement!
All these are so important. We hit a rough patch a few years ago and some of these things on this list helped to save us.
Yes! Everyone has rough patches but, the effort is what matters! Thanks!
Cute post and great reminders!
These are adorable, and your advice is right on target. I find that the more I get away from these things, the more distant I feel from my husband. Thanks for the reminders. Have a great week!
YES exactly! you can always re start these things! It’s never too late! Thanks!
A big one for me is being affectionate… It’s so important to touch… When I started dating Marv, holding hands, kissing & snuggling were really big & even now it’s a big part of our communication… Sometimes I wake up really early & sit while he gets ready… We sometimes have to be creative with our time… We have to be intentional in our marriages.
YES!! That’s awesome and great tip for sure it is so important to be intentional! Thanks for commenting!
This! Every point is on point! # 5 is my favorite as you can probably guess! 🙂 I have learned that you’ve got to pray for that man. There are so many pressures and distractions that they really need to be covered and smothered in prayer. I love this post and I plan to explore more on your site! Thanks so much for sharing and reminding us that sometimes it’s the simple things that make a HUGE difference.
Thanks so much!!!LOL I couldn’t agree more!
Awesome advice. Most recently, we have been texting more….even in the house. We joke about texting our boyfriend/girlfriend…lol! Marriage should be fun.
AWW that’s so awesome!!
Beautiful post, and all the tips are very doable. We have to put inn the work if we want success.
YES! I agree! Thanks so much!
I love your list and I think talking or texting during the day is a great idea! Being silly and spending quality time together are also so important!
Yes! That is definitely one of the best things to do for your friendship!
I agree with your post – establishing a strong friendship bond with your other-half is very important, coz it helps both of you to fully understand each other.
Me and my boyfriend, became friends at first before we elevate our relationship to the next level. And because we already know each other well, it is normal for us to easy talk about all things, and trust each other.
Kudos for your post!
For Urban Women
That’s awesome and I’m glad to hear it! Thanks!
Jen @ Saving with Spunk
I was just thinking about how couples that pray together are much stronger. Thank you for this reminder. We’re coming up on our first anniversary and we work to stay best friends every day!
That’s awesome! If you focus on it, you will remain that way!
Such great tips!!!! Especially pray for one another and spend time together. With 2 under 2 and one more on the way my husband and I honestly have days where the only thing we say to one another is “what did she eat?”
“Have you changed the baby?” I would love for you to link up with us! http://www.akreativewhim.com/fasting-100-happy-days/
LOL That’s awesome I totally understand thanks for sharing!
This is solid practical advice! Thank you for sharing it with us. I think it is time for us to go do something fun together.
That’s so great to hear! Thanks!
Chloe of beyond blessed
Such good tips!!! Adore this!!
Thanks soo much!!
Great tips! We are so much stronger when we prioritize our time together. We love rock climbing too!
That’s awesome! Yes, it was one of our super fun dates!
So wonderfully written, Jehava. My husband and I celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary this year. We are lucky to have and love each other.
That’s so fantastic! Thank you!!
I’m married to my husband for over 16 years now and everything you mentioned, we do that with each other. The magic still works.
That’s so awesome! Congrats and keep up the good work!!